Sexual Misconduct and the Pastors Who Cry Sanctuary
He had sex with a minor member of his family.
One of the female elders suggested
Shouldn’t we let the police handle this?
The band of pastors emphatically countered
No, we will handle this.
There is sufficient and well-documented evidence in the world* to assert that a great number of clergy function above civil law. Certainly in my church, this was the case. The exemption from law also applied when a parishioner’s indiscriminate acts might warrant a negative reflection on a pastor or the church, so a child-molesting congregant would receive the same secret justice only the Lord and church leadership could grant through discipline and forgiveness. Other times though, if it looked good for leadership to make an example of someone, they did. There was a case or two of someone brutally ostracized by the ministry and resulting jail sentences. But much more often than not, lawbreakers inside our church should have been reported to the police and were not. The pastors of our churches hold responsibility for all the times they knew this, but chose not to do so.
In the case where one of our pastors engaged in pedophilia, he was asked to repent and step down for a period of time. It was a big church drama because of course, everyone could see the pastor and his family had fallen to some sort of shame, but no one was informed on why.
Sexual and financial misconduct are common church cliche’s because many churches do not hold themselves accountable to society. Our church enjoyed unreservedly manipulating gross amounts of tithes and offerings from church members. I’ve already written about financial extortion (The Sin of not Tithing) and how our pastors pressed congregants to funnel tax-free money to the church, hardship or not, and their resulting salaries and pastoral retreats in Hawaii and Anaheim, California. But there was that one time a pastor and his wife’s embezzling became just a little too much, and they were asked to step down for a time of in-house discipline and repentance.
The congregation was never informed of pastoral impropriety, and we were always left whispering about what it might be this time. How commonplace yet always shocking it was for pastors to be asked to step down. They maintained an image that disallowed us to think they could sin or do anything bad. Certainly nothing jail-worthy, and if it really was that bad - of course people would go to jail! So, it must not have been that bad after all. We were taught to respect and not question or expose our leaders. In my memory, no pastor ever stood up before the church and held themselves accountable (as they always expected congregants to do) to be completely removed from ministry. Certainly, not one of them ever allowed civil justice on themselves.
Instead, once a pastor’s repentance requirements were satisfied, they were gloriously reinstated to their position. God had forgiven and restored them. Restored. That’s what God’s law does. He restores people.
Therefore, congregants were beseeched to apply the carte blanche rule of forgiveness to the pastor who had sex with a minor, without ever exposing what he’d done. He resumed receiving girls and women into his office behind closed doors for counseling sessions. As if to prove a point, church leadership saw it as entirely appropriate to propagate a prophecy he had, persuading single young adult girls who were saving themselves for marriage, to consider financial investment into wedding dresses for their future husbands, and to parade themselves before him during fittings. For his voyeuristic pleasure.
While pastors diligently enforced a sickening purity culture on the youth of our church, some of them had a fondness for being handsy with those same young people.
The more people I interview about their experiences in our church, the more counts of sexual misconduct by pastors I’m finding out about.
Sexual repression-turned-abuse played out in private and hushed ways.
So now let’s compare law-breaking inside churches with the very same offenses inside a school, business, or non-religious volunteer organization. What would happen if a person of leadership in a school, such as a teacher, did so much as hug a child under the most innocent of circumstances, or inappropriately touch, or have sex with a minor? We all know what happens. Charges are pressed by parents, the acts are reported to the police, the teacher loses their job, they have to register as a sex offender, official statements and apologies have to be made, there are court hearings, fines, maybe jail, community service, probation, news stories, and life completely turned upside down. They are held accountable to the victim and civil society.
No man of God wants to endure such a shame. How inconvenient that is for his wife and family. Best to keep it quiet and deal with it internally.
Nevermind the life of the child who was raped or molested. They’ll have problems in life, but having to retell their story to the police won’t be one of them. God will grant them the grace to keep their suffering forever to themselves.
The pastor’s illegal actions did eventually leak. One former member of the church asked an outside pastor they trusted about church policy around sexual abuse and cover-up. The pastor was so shocked to hear such allegations being made against our church leadership, that he questioned our leaders about the claim. When the pedophile pastor found out someone was asking for real accountability, he urgently insisted on a discreet and private meeting at the house of the former member who might blow his cover. The person refused this secret meeting, so the entire pastoral team banded to swiftly shut down a whistleblower and accused them of not following the Matthew 18 procedure.
Ahhh, herein church leaders find sanctuary above civil law. The Bible is useful for misconduct. Matthew 18:15-17 NIV version states:
15 "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.
16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
It’s unnecessary to insist beyond verse 15 because church leaders will justify themselves as being heard by you, having won you over. But if you were not won over by their pleas for mercy, then iniquity lies with the person who refuses to properly enact the grace-giving cover of Matthew 18.
In modern terms, we call this gaslighting.
Was the pastor who committed pedophilia ever held accountable? Only quietly by church leaders. The final official word on the matter came from the pulpit during one of the last services our church ever had before it imploded on itself and all the pastors dispersed:
"Here's a declaration: What is past is past. And no one can ever ask a question about this ever. Today is a new day, we are moving forward."
That’s nice for the people in power. For the victims of their abuse, well, they must leave it in the past, never ask questions about it again, and move forward. Unfortunately, healing doesn’t work that way.
As long as leaders can use religion and the Bible to protect themselves from civil law, they will always use it in their favor, in the safety of their sanctuary.
*The list of resources is endless, but here’s a quick-start: Wikipedia, What Is It About Religion That Fosters Abuse?, Investigations into Religious organizations, Denominations in Turmoil Over Sexual Abuse
