A Message to My Past and Future Self
They are three to four finalists, feet throbbing in impossible heels, tucked and wrapped in sequins, precision painted faces, minds focused on the very thing they’ve come so far for; to snatch the crown, hunny. RuPaul produces a photo of each queen as a child and asks them one by one,
What would you tell your younger self?
This moment in RuPaul’s Drag Race not only makes emotional drama, but incites me to ponder what I would tell my younger self from where I am today. Besides “OMG - you’ll get to live by the beach!”, there are two important messages that I can’t take credit for, but are exactly what I’d borrow to tell myself.
Firstly, the one singular message that would have saved me a lot of pain and prevented the early onset of I am a failure. This is recycled - I’ve said it already (Just Stand Up), but it bears repeating because it clears a life-path like a machete through a rainforest. From Netflix’s miniseries Unorthodox, here it is again:
The rules of your community are imaginary.
It blows my mind to consider what I would have been like as a person who believed in herself, rather than believing the rules my community convinced me were real. A life of critical thinking and self-empowerment versus a life trapped and blind inside the religious guilt and shame cycle of unworthiness and shortcomings.
Secondly, I would super-power that first message by standing my little kid self next to drag contestant Peppermint’s little kid self when she told Rupaul and everyone watching Season 9 of Drag Race:
Despite everything you hear from other people, everything you feel on the inside is right. Please don’t wait to express it because the moment YOU realize that, everyone else will.
Yas Qween. I’m here for that. I’m here for all of that right now.
My younger self did not get those messages, but I’m running with them now, and if I were to run into my future self, I’d tell her,
Thank you for trusting yourself and pushing through the fear of breaking free from the religious rules that held you back - Thank Rachel I’m free!!!!
No god has ever helped me out like I’ve helped myself.
I know it’s blasphemous for people who are used to giving deference to an external “voice” and a special book. By all means, use whatever inspires you, but know that ultimately, your OWN internal voice serves your life with your best interests at heart. You already possess thoughts, desires, and intuition that are brilliantly adept to lead you where you want to go. The sooner you embrace that, the better you can get on in life.
What would you tell your younger self? What ways were you held back or made to feel small and unworthy? Help yourself out and tell that inner child everything you feel on the inside is right. And when you do, watch out because you’re about to live life on your terms. It will be scary and freaking fantastic!
If you’ve already called bullshit on my humanistic self-serving nonsense, then you might want to give it a go first, before you dismiss giving self-empowerment a whirl. Peppermint is right, when you are true to yourself, others will recognize that truth in you.
The best shot you have at being happy, and a kind and helpful human to others is by starting with yourself. Take the machete and clear out the religious dogma, the do’s and don’ts, and fretting and judgments. Cut them down and allow yourself to be left with nothing but your innermost voice that will tell you exactly what it wants. What is that thing? Take action. Do the thing. Get yourself out of that jungle of fear and condemnation and you’ll thank me and yourself later.
