Why Your Church Leaders Want You Broken
Artdog72 was down!
She crawled to safety behind a rock and waited for Blodia13 to stretch his healing hand over her. LlamaKorn08 rushed over and built a protective wall around them while Blodia13 revived Artdog72 who sprang up, grabbed her pickaxe, and ran back into battle.
I’m a gamer now.
I engage in epic Fortnite battles with Blodia13 and LlamaKorn08. They carry me, as I spend a lot of time injured, wasting ammunition in panicked and uncontrolled wielding of firearms, and crawling around on my hands and knees in utter uselessness.
Mom! Hold still so I can heal you!
Mom! Follow me, don’t go there or you’ll get killed!
Mom! Shotguns don’t shoot long distance!
The only way I survive the Fortnite map is by trailing after Blodia13 and LlamaKorn08, sticking close, and making sure they are around to blast me with the bandage bazooka, throw shield potions at me, and knock down my enemies. A favorite move is when I get caught in the storm, someone throws me over their shoulder and either outruns the storm or tosses my body into the zone. That action is always followed by revival and healing.
The point here is, I’m not good enough on my own. I need them or I die.
Mom! Play solos while you’re waiting for me…..
Hard pass. I get shot out of the air before I even land on the map. Going solo is the worst suggestion ever.
Using Fortnite as a church analogy might be annoying, but there’s no looking past the unrelenting spiritual and social battle religious folks are engaged in. The enemies of temptation and sin around every corner, running across your path, crouching in hidey-places, and jumping out from behind the bushes. All the time. There’s no such thing as a leisurely walk without constantly being on-guard, ready to engage in warfare. Exhausting.
And here’s what’s really exhausting: always having to be broken. Then made whole again. The sickening cycle of having to crawl around on your hands and knees until sufficient brokenness, contriteness, and repentance is achieved is a sadistic exercise in church leadership control.
If people are useless on their own, then leaders can control them. If Artdog72 were strong, smart, independent, went into whatever building or exposed hilltop she fancied, and knew how to build ramps on her own to get where she wanted, she could kick butt and take names in solo mode. Instead, she spends a lot of time in futile brokenness in need of others to revive and heal her.
I am not making a case for “I don’t need anybody” island living. I am making a case against dependency imposed onto the “weak” by leaders who socially strong-arm people into being and staying in a place of humility and brokenness.
I grew up being told I was born a sinner. Sinners are bad and need to be broken before God. Jesus needs to heal and revive the sinners. This puts a person in a place of forever submission and lowliness to those who enforce the higher power. A person has no volition to be whole, strong, or right on their own.
This is why I couldn’t leave the church. I was convinced I was bad, the world was bad, and that I would not survive the world outside of the church. My leaders had me convinced that I needed to "lay down dancing" (on several accounts) and break myself before the Lord in humility because I was too invested in dance. It made me happy and was my passion. If I believed I had a chance at being a dancer, I would have left and done the thing I wanted to do. Instead, I believed what my leaders told me; that I was behaving selfishly and needed to humble myself. In return for this logic, I stayed in submission to the use of my church and did not risk following my dreams.
Control. That is why your church leaders want you broken. Broken people do not get up and challenge directives. Broken people do not go off and make a happy life for themselves where they believe they can be successful without someone telling them what to do and how to think.
Brokeness is brainwashing. It is sucking the will and self-courage from individuals who might otherwise do cool things with their lives.
Brokeness breaks the spirit and breaks self-will. And self-will is bad, it is sin.
See how the looping narrative keeps a person down? Keeps them from taking risks, speaking up, and asking questions?
What does the misery of brokeness solve? It is a superficial healing that not only doesn’t validate your desire to do the things that bring you joy and empowerment, but it takes those things and smashes them to smithereens. It is a negative reinforcement that will get you nowhere on your path to self-fulfillment and joy.
When I finally began to believe in myself and accept that I am smart, I have good ideas and I am not a bad person, it gave me the power I needed to engage in solo thinking where I could make decisions for myself.
The next time a religious enforcer suggests you approach your life through brokenness and humility, you just tell them
No thanks, I’m good.
Go ahead and try it. An amazing thing will happen. The more you reject brokenness and embrace wholeness for yourself, the healthier and happier your life will become. No more sorrowful repentance for alleged sins. No more letting others tell you how they think you’re supposed to be.
Nothing feels quite like self-accomplishment. I’m proud to say that I actually have contributed one or two team-saving moves during Fortnite squad play. Not because Blodia13 and LlamaKorn08 told me where to go and which weapon to use. But because I boldly engaged and saved my entire team from elimination. I nervously blasted a firearm all over the place, but did it like I owned it and it paid off! I’ve got bragging rights with my kids now, and damn if they don’t respect me for it.
OK, it’s your turn to stand up on your own and run with the things that light you up! Boldly engage, even if it’s scary. No one accomplishes anything crawling around on their hands and knees.
