I See Your FEAR, and I Raise You with Inner PEACE
When I finally gave in to pre-marital sex, it was one of the most glorious, happy, and unfettered moments of my life.
I tried to have anxiety over it. I wanted to feel punished and repent and go around with a scarlet letter on my defiled breast. It would have been the appropriate response. But damn if my humanity wasn’t finally woke to the pleasures of one of the most natural and basic functions for which my body was created.
If you’ve not clicked off in disgust and you’re still reading, I’ll explain the Inner Peace of which I speak.
When at 31 years old (yes, you read that right) I, at last, indulged the pleasures of the flesh, I was far away from church, family, and the people in my life who would have called me into correction. I was doing a year abroad in France, a dream of mine that already took acts of rebellion to achieve. It was dangerous because I was out on my own with no accountability and in 2002, no convenient or inexpensive ways to communicate regularly with my people back home.
Herein lies today’s Important Tip: Remove Thyself from Oppressive Environment
While it’s cliché and all, it is not France’s fault for leading me astray. Contrary to popular belief, the French are much more conservative on the whole than people think. They are traditionally a Catholic country. Very Catholic.
You do not have to buy an expensive plane ticket or fall under French seduction to get away. Figure out some way to remove yourself, even for a few days or hours. It can be the cafe, gym or mommy’s group in your town that you never go to because you don’t associate with “those people.” Go on, try it.
Why is this important? Because it will allow you the space to think for yourself. It will allow you the opportunity to receive and consider the ideas of people different from you; conversations you are not used to having. It will expand your mind, and inside the expansion, you will have the chance to fill that extra space with anxiety, fear, or peace.
I found that when I wasn’t surrounded by the rule-makers and thought-creators, I could tap into my responses. Inner Peace came bubbling up in spite of the default operating system installed in me at birth. I equated my Inner Peace as a quality from God, and from there I figured God was ok with my decisions. He was happy that I was happy.
At this point, I could be burned for heresy. Someone is shouting at me “Read the Bible!” I did. I assure you, I scoured the Holy Scriptures to condemn myself for enjoying forbidden fruit. My efforts at self-flagellation persistently gave way to Inner Peace and I finally realized that God gave me the ability to seek out joy and pleasure for myself.
It didn’t happen in an instant, it was gradual but proved consistent. I finally learned to listen to the voice within myself and not the voices of those around me. If you want the fuller story and racy details, you can read about my French romance in The Sin of Sexing.
